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When I Quit Being Mom

2 years ago, I decided I had to quit being just mom

I sat on the floor outside my kids bedroom, crying.  All 3 of my kids were screaming in their rooms. I was crying and stuffing my face with a chocolate cookie.  Looking for anything to make me feel better.

Was this what motherhood was supposed to be???

Endless to-do’s, nagging, constant fighting, surviving on coffee, and numb.

Numb…

That’s how I felt. In between the feelings of depletion, exhausted, and frustrated.

And then I broke. The moment I was crying on the floor asking myself how I could be failing at everything in my life.

Some may say I was surviving. But surviving would be giving me undue credit. But on the outside it looked like I was managing it.  I looked happy and like motherhood was all I had ever dreamed it to be.  Behind closed doors, I was falling apart.

I began to question whether or not there was a way out of being a mom. Could I just give up and walk away? Would I be able to do that? What would life look life if I did?

I felt alone.

I felt like I was the only mom out there with these feelings of dread. What was it that they had that I didn’t? Did I make a mistake having kids? Am I really cut out for this? Maybe it would be easier to go back to work full time and let someone else raise them.

I’m not enough.

I can’t do this.

Why me? Why do I feel this way?

I honestly can’t thank the Lord enough for seeing me in those raw and vulnerable moments.  He reached down and said, “I see you, you are enough, and you don’t have to do it alone.” He’s set me on a path of self-discovery. I’ve exposed some of the rawest feelings of my heart, sat with them, and allowed them to heal.  It’s been some of the bravest work I’ve ever done.

I thought brave was putting up a shield, a wall and not letting anyone know that I was weak and failing.  Strength=bravery.

But bravery is actually the opposite.  Being brave takes courage. Courage to admit you can’t do it on your own.

Being brave means facing all your fears, doubts, and failings, seeing them for what they truly are and allowing yourself to rise above them.

Motherhood calls for bravery. Bravery in the rawest sort of way.

It calls for wading through the every day pieces of life that can so easily rob us of our time and joy…and still find ourselves in the midst.

I had to quit being just mom.

For 5 years, motherhood had been my primary existence.  My world was consumed by kids and motherhood. Time for me? Foggettabout it! So who was I? Who was Renae anymore? I had to be brave enough to rediscover myself.  My new identity.  The me as mom, as a wife, as a friend.  She was different than the me before. I was afraid of who I might find. But can I be honest with you…I wish I had started the journey sooner. I wish someone had told me…or that when they told me I had listened.

If you feel the way I did a few years ago, you hands down need to join my course & community You, Set Free. Take this as your moment. Your moment to shift courses in your journey. You won’t regret it.

 

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